The gang of dildos had travelled from back east as soon as they heard what had happened to their fellow adult toy brethren with nothing but dull anger driving them. The sheriff was oblivious to their agenda, and was in the local saloon trying to talk up one of the bar maids. The gang snuck up on the sheriff, knocked him out cold, and kidnapped him back to their hideout up in Dildo Pass.

The sheriff regained consciousness to find himself surrounded by the leering and laughing adult toys. They told him there was no way he was ever going to escape, and that he was going to pay for what he did. The sheriff was just about to lose all hope when he noticed a silhouette at the window. It was his trusted deputy Ted, and Ted was motioning for him to just be cool, that help was coming. To be continued…

The dildo people were the last stand of resistance, and these sex toys gave no quarter. They fought the king and his amalgamated army on their very own front doorsteps, and forced a retreat outside the city walls. As the king and his army planned, the dildo people continued their assault, only this time coming from behind. The king’s rear flank was unguarded, so this attack proved successful. By the time the king figured out something was wrong, his army was cut down by the fierce when provoked dildo people. The king retreated.

You splurge a little. When your aunt is desperately seeking stimulation, do you buy your own adult toy and neglect your family? No, you have to consider the wants of your family. Sexual satisfaction is a gift that should be given freely; even if you have to spend a little extra money to do so. Adult sex toys aren’t necessarily the gateway to happiness, but the euphoria from the experience is a great starting block.

So keep this is mind when purchasing all of your adult entertainment needs. You know you want to make yourself happy, but keep in mind the people who are close to you as well. Sexual satisfaction is the gift that keeps giving!

When he landed, he was in the middle of a war, fought against by knights and more of the undead adult sex toys. Brule regained his feet, and assisted the knights in repelling the evil dildos out of the kingdom. A wizard told Brule he could send him back to his own time, if he would assist the kingdom in defeating the menacing sex toys once and for all. Brule agreed, and was given a special weapon to defeat the king of the dildo army.

The fight was epic, and almost the dildo king tasted victory, but Brule was too great a fighter. The king was defeated, and he and his adult toy army were banished to the underworld. Brule and his girlfriend were reunited and sent home.

Also, you could trade your prize in for something else if you want. Let’s say you won ten thousand dollars, but you wanted to buy the glowing dildo you saw in one of the previous cases. You could then take your cash (it is, after all, yours) and buy the adult sex toy, and take the rest of your cash home with you. It’s a win-win situation!

The only thing would be you would have to find a host that wouldn’t snicker or demean the contestants.  I think the best game show host would have to be Monty Hall, seeing as though he has seen every bizarre thing under the sun and could be trusted.

The dildo may not do anything cool like vibrate or make a little humming noise, but this sex toy’s importance cannot be negated or dismissed. It is a plastic model of a male’s genitalia, more specifically, the penis. The penis is needed, of course, for penetration in sex, and this is specifically why the dildo was designed.

It’s probably a good idea, however, not to try and play any practical jokes with this sex toy, unless you really know the person you’re joking. In today’s climate of civil lawsuits at the drop of a hat, you may want to reconsider whipping your dildo out at your boss, or your preacher.

I don’t see anything wrong with pranking your doctor with a sex toy. Odds are, the guy’s been looking at patients junk all day, and could use a break in the monotony. Plus, it’s your hospital ball, go nuts.

It would also be extra attention. Think of the merchandise sales. If you could buy a t-shirt with the name of your team represented by a huge dildo or vibrator wouldn’t you absolutely buy it? The cost of it is worth the amount of fun and recognition you could get with such a shirt. I think the sex toy industry is really missing out on revenue by not trying to do these things.

It doesn’t have to be a professional team; it could be a semi-professional team that could advertise the sex toys. The exposure would help propel the team into the city’s eye, therefore guaranteeing better ticket sales and overall profit for all. People like buying uncommon t-shirts and banners, why hasn’t the adult entertainment industry jumped all over this? Instead of bat night, maybe there could be a dildo night…

Sex toys killing and disrespecting each other, based solely on aesthetic design. They don’t judge each other on their quality, durability, or reliability, but with such a temporal value such as veneer. What possible good life could these adult sex toys hope to enjoy, with the constant warring and bickering between the tribes? How could they focus on their intended purpose as a whole when they kept getting so distracted by their own petty differences and stubborn generalizations? And yeah, if you think any of this is pertinent to humans as well as sex toys, then maybe we won’t end up like them.

The undead sex toys had transformed Sally into their queen, and she now paraded around the woods with the sex adult sex toys worshipping her at her side. She commanded them to infiltrate the cabin, and to take control of Brule and make him her king. The dildos begin to amass a large army, preparing for an attack on the cabin. Meanwhile, Brule was inside the house, ransacking it for any weapons or clues as to how to stop the undead sex toy army.  He found a chainsaw, and strapped in onto his back, and an ancient book of spells, in which he thought he could send the evil away forever while at the same time drive it out of his girlfriend.

Brule throws open the door, and begins slashing at the sadistic adult sex toys while reciting a spell from the book. Will Brule save Sally? To be continued next article…

Well, the remaining people in power banded together and decided for a nuclear assault against the dildo planet. Volunteers were recruited and trained for the mission (remember, Earth’s population has been decimated) and the best of the rest are finally prepared to go.

The manned shuttle reaches the atmosphere of the dildo planet, and let loose their nuclear warhead on the home of the sex toy race. Detonation is confirmed, and the planet is blown to smithereens. The resulting debris explosion, however, kills the entire crew of the expedition, prompting the citizens of Earth to rename high schools worldwide in appreciation. And thus ends the tragedy of the Planet of the Dildos.